February 13th & 14th, 2009
Valentine’s Day in St. Augustine, Florida. Romantic, indeed!
This was the perfect combination of romance and comedy. I got to perfect my craft in a new (to me) comedy club, Gypsy Comedy Club, while spending quality time with my husband. It was a win-win for everyone!
Mike and I stayed at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast, the historic Inn on Charlotte.
Please check out their site at http://www.innoncharlotte.com/, and if you go, tell Lynne The Princess of Parodies sent you. Our room came with a dozen roses, thanks to my wonderful, thoughtful husband. We had been to St. Augustine 4 or 5 years ago and loved it, but didn’t get to The Fountain of Youth, which tops on our agenda.
This was the perfect combination of romance and comedy. I got to perfect my craft in a new (to me) comedy club, Gypsy Comedy Club, while spending quality time with my husband. It was a win-win for everyone!
Mike and I stayed at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast, the historic Inn on Charlotte.
Please check out their site at http://www.innoncharlotte.com/, and if you go, tell Lynne The Princess of Parodies sent you. Our room came with a dozen roses, thanks to my wonderful, thoughtful husband. We had been to St. Augustine 4 or 5 years ago and loved it, but didn’t get to The Fountain of Youth, which tops on our agenda.
Before I get any further, understand that I LOVE tourist traps. When I was growing up, my parents took vacations all over the U.S., and we always traveled in old cars, like a 1926 Dodge, or a 1936 Packard. I’ve been to Mt. Rushmore and Wall Drug in South Dakota. I rode to the top of Pike’s Peak in a 1935 Oldsmobile. When I was 15 or 16, I drove a 57 Ford convertible in the hills of West Virginia, ending up in New Vrindaban at Hare Krishna Temple of Gold. Florida is the Mecca for Tourist Traps…and I’ve hit a good many of them the last 13 years I’ve lived here: Weekie Wachee (mermaids!), Solomon’s Castle (a favorite, best use of recycling ever), Silver Springs (glass bottom boats), Dinosaur World (real live dinosaurs), and Disney (talking rats), etc. To me, tourist traps are what America is all about. Find that one special, unique thing about your place on this planet, exploit it, and then find a way to suck every last dollar out of someone’s pocket. Yes! God Bless America…that is what our country does best.
I love tourist traps. If you’re going to do it…do it well. Disney over does it, by putting mouse ears on the sewer covers. Dinosaur World under does it in a fun, cheesy, Velveeta way. It’s American, it’s family friendly, and gets the job done. But it's still cheese. The Fountain of Youth…they under do it, in a BIG WAY. It didn’t suck “ass,” but it did suck. Here’s what you get for $8, per person:
As you come in, you can’t help but notice the advertisements of Ponce De Leon on a SEGWAY. What better way to capture the flavor of how Ponce De Leon spent his first few days in Florida, way back in 1513, you know, riding around on his SEGWAY.
Once inside The Fountain of Youth, your tour of the first 3 buildings could have been conducted by actors or actresses in the costumes that Spanish Explorers wore when they first came here and pillaged. Oh no! You learn about Spanish exploration from a Florida cracker dressed in an embroidered polo and shorts. He runs from building to building, locking up each building behind him because God forbid, you end up the Planetarium and screw with the 7 Christmas tree lights that make up The Big Dipper. The second building houses The Globe of Discovery, hidden behind a middle school theater curtain. It’s a 2 stories high globe of the earth that turns with the help of a hamster wheel. You can’t help but admire the cutting technology used in this presentation; the laser pointer. We could smell Cracker Boy’s cigarette while we were watching “this presentation.” The last building contained The Fountain of Youth, with typical museum mannequins of Indians, adorned with genuine silk flowers. The Fountain of Youth water did not taste very good either. I've gotten more youth from a shot of Jaegermeister at a biker bar. The other 15 acres you’re free to explore on your own. You can torment any of the 6 peacocks or THE emu. You can also browse the gift shop, which had ashtrays that said “Alabama” on sale.
Nothing has been done with The Fountain of Youth tourist trap since it’s inception, except for some occasional lawn maintenance, and the low bid won that work too. St. Augustine just experienced a cold snap that killed several plants in the area. Not at The Fountain of Youth! There was no landscaping, so what could possibly die? The Fountain of Youth could have made it up to us with the live cannon firing…
but alas…they didn't have the balls.
I love tourist traps. If you’re going to do it…do it well. Disney over does it, by putting mouse ears on the sewer covers. Dinosaur World under does it in a fun, cheesy, Velveeta way. It’s American, it’s family friendly, and gets the job done. But it's still cheese. The Fountain of Youth…they under do it, in a BIG WAY. It didn’t suck “ass,” but it did suck. Here’s what you get for $8, per person:
As you come in, you can’t help but notice the advertisements of Ponce De Leon on a SEGWAY. What better way to capture the flavor of how Ponce De Leon spent his first few days in Florida, way back in 1513, you know, riding around on his SEGWAY.
Once inside The Fountain of Youth, your tour of the first 3 buildings could have been conducted by actors or actresses in the costumes that Spanish Explorers wore when they first came here and pillaged. Oh no! You learn about Spanish exploration from a Florida cracker dressed in an embroidered polo and shorts. He runs from building to building, locking up each building behind him because God forbid, you end up the Planetarium and screw with the 7 Christmas tree lights that make up The Big Dipper. The second building houses The Globe of Discovery, hidden behind a middle school theater curtain. It’s a 2 stories high globe of the earth that turns with the help of a hamster wheel. You can’t help but admire the cutting technology used in this presentation; the laser pointer. We could smell Cracker Boy’s cigarette while we were watching “this presentation.” The last building contained The Fountain of Youth, with typical museum mannequins of Indians, adorned with genuine silk flowers. The Fountain of Youth water did not taste very good either. I've gotten more youth from a shot of Jaegermeister at a biker bar. The other 15 acres you’re free to explore on your own. You can torment any of the 6 peacocks or THE emu. You can also browse the gift shop, which had ashtrays that said “Alabama” on sale.
Nothing has been done with The Fountain of Youth tourist trap since it’s inception, except for some occasional lawn maintenance, and the low bid won that work too. St. Augustine just experienced a cold snap that killed several plants in the area. Not at The Fountain of Youth! There was no landscaping, so what could possibly die? The Fountain of Youth could have made it up to us with the live cannon firing…
but alas…they didn't have the balls.
The Gypsy Comedy Club! Great food, great people, great laughs! Over the years, several comics have told me what a great club Gypsy is, and they were right. The food is delicious! The Friday night show was a little out there…but Saturday my little Valentine love birds came to have a good time and what a show it was! I was fortunate enough to work with comedy veterans Peter Hefty and Justin again. He’s such a pro, and always very encouraging and helpful. Hope we work together again soon.
Traci with Justin and Peter Hefty
Thanks to Gypsy Comedy Club:
Jim and Hala, my long lost Italian/Lebanese sister – thank you!
Deon (Jackie’s husband) – thanks for your help with the sound!
Jackie, YOU are the Glitter Goddess, and my new idol!
Jackie’s family – thank you for everything and supporting Jackie like you do
Susie – great job getting all those people seated Saturday night
Amanda, Mary Kay, Nick, Marlena, and Shauna – best waitstaff and bartenders ever. Thank you for all you do (and I hope I didn’t forget anybody!)
Shout outs to:
Andre Holloway – great seeing you again, best of luck in Rochester
Lori – thanks for the drink, glad you loved the show
Nikki – you are my other long lost sister, wish I could wear gold like you
Jim and Hala, my long lost Italian/Lebanese sister – thank you!
Deon (Jackie’s husband) – thanks for your help with the sound!
Jackie, YOU are the Glitter Goddess, and my new idol!
Jackie’s family – thank you for everything and supporting Jackie like you do
Susie – great job getting all those people seated Saturday night
Amanda, Mary Kay, Nick, Marlena, and Shauna – best waitstaff and bartenders ever. Thank you for all you do (and I hope I didn’t forget anybody!)
Shout outs to:
Andre Holloway – great seeing you again, best of luck in Rochester
Lori – thanks for the drink, glad you loved the show
Nikki – you are my other long lost sister, wish I could wear gold like you
Nikki (left), Lori (right)
Our new friends we made at the Inn on Charlotte:
Lynne at The Inn – loved breakfast…thanks so much for a great time!
Judye, Judye’s sister and husbands – hope you got back to TN safely (please email me your names), and Judye – best of luck on those bracelets
Sarah and Nancy – nice meeting you! Have fun camping! Remember no A.C., no Traci
James and Michelle from Orange park, (if I forgot your names, please correct me) and make sure you tell everyone you sleep with famous people
Our new friends we made at the Inn on Charlotte:
Lynne at The Inn – loved breakfast…thanks so much for a great time!
Judye, Judye’s sister and husbands – hope you got back to TN safely (please email me your names), and Judye – best of luck on those bracelets
Sarah and Nancy – nice meeting you! Have fun camping! Remember no A.C., no Traci
James and Michelle from Orange park, (if I forgot your names, please correct me) and make sure you tell everyone you sleep with famous people
And the biggest thanks goes to Mike, my husband...who wrapped cables, did sound, took pictures, ties up all the loose ends, and is otherwise a really good sport about this whole comedy business. My husband is a pilot, so I touched up this photo from Mission de Nombre de Dios and Shrine of Our Lady of Milk and Cookies and dedicated this to him.
Please welcome St. Aeronca, The Patron Saint of Air Traffic Control
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