Daytona Beach, FL

I left Friday afternoon to head for my Bonkerz shows at The Playa Resort in Daytona Beach, Florida. I was last at this club in July or August, and was happy to see just about all the staff still there. I got set up, caught up with the staff, then headed to my very frigid hotel room. The heater wasn't working, and after 3 calls to the front desk, James the maintenance guy determined the heater was definitely broke (no shit) and hooked me up with a much nicer room. My new room had a heater that worked, a kitchenette-let, AND an easy bake oven. Friday night, show time was 9pm. 9:10pm, and the emcee had not shown up. At 9:15pm, the management made the decision that the emcee was probably not going to show up (no shit). Frank (comedian trainee) made the brief announcement "please welcome to the stage, Traci," and it was time to get the party started. Friday night's show was good, considering I started with an audience that was stone cold, I mean stoned or old, and demographically scattered all over the board. There was something for everyone, but not everything for everyone.

Saturday, I researched some things to do in Daytona, that didn't include shopping. I found a museum in Ormond Beach, that was open from 12-4pm, and admission was $2.00. Had I actually gone, I could have told you whether or not the admission was worth it or a rip-off. Unfortunately, minutes before I was set to leave, I received an email from a booker that set me off, and straightening out the mess consumed the next 2 hours of my time. When the tough gets pissed, the pissed goes shopping...so I headed off to Imagine Beads http://www.imaginebeads.com/. Imagine Beads is a great bead shop, once you find it. My Garmin, obviously didn't want me to go there, judging by how many times I had to "make a U-turn" under I-95 (6 times). I hate you Garmin. $67.10 later...I had several pieces of "mystery metal" in my possession. I have no idea what I'm going to do with, but I HAD to have it.

On my way home, I got pissed at myself for not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not working out, allowing a booker to piss me off for 2 hours, AND for spending $67.10 I didn't need to spend. It was at this point I realized I was getting a little pissy, and decided a nap would be the best use of my time.

When I woke up, I decided I needed sushi. I asked my Garmin where the nearest sushi restaurant was, and it took me straight to one that was no longer open. The next closest one was Tokyo Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi Bar. http://tokyoormondbeach.com/ My sushi chef, made me the 2 most delicious rolls I've had in a long time. The Golden Gate Roll, and the Eel Tempura Crunch roll were to die for. If you go there, ask for Aji (which is Japanese for "horse mackeral" ironically) and Sarah (which is American for "really good waitress"), and tell them Traci the comedian sent you. However, do not go on your birthday! The Happy Birthday song just doesn't sound quite right with Japanese drums as accompaniment. But I will say, it's no where near as annoying as those birthday songs at chain restaurants where the whole staff claps and chants some post-war "I don't know what I been told, but this jerk here is getting old."

Rested for 2 Saturday shows, I was pleased to meet Genesis, our emcee for the evening. Genesis relocated to Orlando for family, but is a bona fide headliner with 24 years comedy experience, doing the club owners a favor by filling in. Our 8pm audience was ready to have fun, and everyone had a killer show! The 10pm audience was riddled with the usual stoned, drunk, high, and/or tired people - so they were a little tougher to keep entertained but we worked hard and got the job done. All in all, it was a great week. Good people, good comedy.

I'd like to thank my fans: the guy who has seen me at least 3x - once in NSB, and 2x in Daytona; Sherry the nurse from Indiana and her college age son who saw both shows; and to the hair stylist and her husband who prepares documents from rich people...send me those pics! I'll post them! To the lovely lady, who was there with her mother and aunt and bought me the shot: thanks! You ladies made the show!

I'd also like to thank the staff:

Montana: lose that zero and get you a hero. You're adorable, and something better will come along quickly.

Kara: have fun with the new truck, and best of luck selling the Sebring. Nice meeting your "sugar daddy." Hope he recovers from his music addiction...I know I'm still in rehab.

Bill: thanks for pouring me the stiff H20 drinky-poos.

Joey: turn your hat around...you've got to be in your 40's.

Paul the GM: you look a LOT like Donny Osmond. Please have purple socks for my next visit.

Paulie aka Chachie: thanks for being my sound guy! You're the best.

Frank aka Comedian Trainee: I'm not giving you Artie Fletcher's phone number. Quit begging.

Paulie aka Chachie

Frank, Comedian Trainee

Genesis and Shay

Joey and Donny Osmond

Montana, Bill and Kara

Ocala, FL

January 9th & 10th, 2009

This trip is the 3rd time I've worked the Bonkerz at Club Zanzabar in Ocala, FL. Each time gets better and better. This run, I opened for veteran Jeff Barrett (pictured above), whose TV credits include an appearance on America's Most Wanted. Jeff and I met about a year ago at a competition in Port Charlotte, FL. He's been in comedy 20 years, but Jeff is also a successful artist and graphic designer outside of comedy. And unlike many comics that rely solely on the food that comedy clubs serve or Chinese buffets, Jeff is vegan. I just so happen to love art and have an interest in eating healthy, so I was looking forward to working with Jeff.

Club Zanzabar and Midnight Rodeo are part of a 2 club entertainment complex in Ocala, FL. Club Zanzabar is the "hip-hop-lights-flashing-pulse-grinding-music-so-loud-it-affects-your-heartbeat" kind of club. Each waitress weighs well under 100 lbs, and isn't wearing much more than a napkin and shoes. Midnight Rodeo is your typical country dance bar, with "faux rawhide" covered mechanical bull in the corner, and faux line dancing cowboys.

Friday night's show - the crowd was awesome! I had a great set. Jeff lost track of time and did an hour and 20 minutes. Miss Gold Liberty and friends started sending beers to the stage, and Jeff was a master at working with the audience. We sold enough t-shirts to buy ourselves a few drinks...and we ended up closing down the bar. We were hungry, so Jeff and I hopped in my car. I punched "Denny's" into my Garmin, which took us right to a Waffle House. Oh well...I enjoyed my chocolate chip waffle and my "splattered and spreaded" hashbrowns. Unbeknownst to Jeff, on my wishlist for Christmas, was a "WH" visor. Every Waffle House I've been to, I ask for a visor. 5 Waffle Houses, 5 NOs. But persistence paid off! This Waffle House had a 2008 Christmas Waffle House Hat, of which now I am the proud owner.

Saturday morning, I was wired at 7am after less than 3 hours of sleep. I spent the morning writing in my journal, playing games on pogo.com, and making jewelry. In the afternoon, Jeff and I headed for lunch at Mother Earth Market. I love trying new foods, and figured I'd see what the vegans had to offer. We had vegan stroganoff (no relation to Bernie Madeoff) made with vegetable protein that sounds like "Satan," spinach noodles, apples and raisins, and a gluten free chocolate chip cookie. It was tasty, I must admit. And I didn't feel sluggish afterwards even though I ate a big meal. Afterwards, we hit the downtown Ocala area and wandered through some shops and an art gallery. After a nap, I headed back for a second show.

The Saturday show didn't have as many people as the first show, but they came to party and have a good time! I had another great show, and Jeff only did an hour. 2 Genesee drinking couples from Buffalo, NY came to the show an hour late, demanding that Jeff "say something funny." Wrong thing to say to Jeff - these folks became part of the show pretty quick. The loud Buffalo NY guy was a frustrated open mic-er, and insisted on trying out new material during Jeff's show. I hated to leave this morning. And obviously my Garmin did too. I punched "Starbucks" into my Garmin for a mint java chip frappacino, and it took me right to Target. I hate you, Garmin.

All in all, it was another great comedy run! I'd like to thank everyone at Club Zanzabar: Phil the manager (pictured above) runs a tight ship; Gabe who ran sound for me; Susanna the waitress (hope you sold those jello shots); Amy the bartender (hope you and the girls had fun in Orlando Saturday night); the really big guy who helped me break down my keyboard and carried my amplifier both nights; 6'9" (one tall MoFo); and the really nice restroom attendant who offered me 2 pieces of gum (one for each ass cheek) so I wouldn't slide off my bar stool. I'd also like to thank Nuclear Power Plant guy who bought me a drink, the flirtacious Michelle who asked me to dance, and the lovely couple who bought Jeff and I a drink on Satuday night (hope your wife found that extra girl for your threesome). I can't forget Scott the pharmacist, who saw both shows in their entirety. I wish everyone would support live comedy like you! I can't forget a very special thank you to the nice Ocala police officer Jeff and I met on the way to the Denny's we never did find. He could have ruined our great weekend in a matter of minutes, but he chose to support live comedy too. Thanks to Art at the Golden Palms Hotel (he thought I was "hot," God bless him), thanks to Bonkerz Comedy for the gig, and thanks to Jeff Barrett for being so cool to hang out with. Check out Jeff's site at http://www.grinnandbarrett.org/

Tennessee Tramp at McCurdy's

Thursday, January 8th, 2009


The BIG Florida State game was on tonight, and Les McCurdy looked through his roladex looking for a comic that wouldn't care if he/she missed the game or not. Traci Kanaan doesn't watch football...bingo! So I got to host the show Thursday night for Queen of the Trailer Park, Janet Wiliams aka The Tennessee Tramp. I heard all good things about Janet over the years, but our comedy paths had not yet crossed.

Thursday is open mic at McCurdy's, and there were 4 open mic-ers scheduled to perform. 3 female, 1 male. Thankfully, the male open mic-er didn't show...not because he's male...but because he's just a shitty open mic-er. He's filthy, and has to drop his pants to get a laugh. The 3 women open mic-ers are relatively new to the business, and working through some material. The audience was tight. The usual McCurdy's intro of upcoming comedians and the short movie "humor appetizer" was gone, due to a problem with the projector. So it was a quick music intro and a "please give it up for your host and emcee Traci Kanaan." I did my best I could before turning it over to the open mic portion, but the audience was not willing to give up laughs for free. First up: Cindy, the recovering middle school teacher, did all right. It'll get better Cindy. Keep working at it!

Second up: Long Island Mary is serious about this business, and started her own open mic at Linger Lodge in Bradenton for additional practice. She did well, and you will see more from Mary in the future.


Third up: Amy, who goosed me. Amy...well...had a little too much to drink, forgot her notes, forgot her routine - yet managed to stretch "drink when I say POT" to 6.5 minutes. Fortunately, Amy is cute and got away with it. Amy is naturally funny - and I hope to see her do material next time.

As for me - I did my usual show with 2 new parodies: Oh What a Dyke, and Bologna. Oh What a Dyke went well. Bologna needs work. My closer did the job - and prepared the audience for The World Famous Tennessee Tramp.

I loved Janet. What an inspiration! Janet does a good show. She's extremely sharp and professional, works the business, and does it right. With my background promotional products, I could tell by the quality of what she sold that she has given this some thought. She encouraged all of us women comics to follow our heart, and be prepared for the comedy industry to treat us women like shit. I had to laugh when she sold her Pussy Power bumper stickers to one of the guys at the show and said "You're never going to get this much pussy for 2 bucks." The Princess of Parodies, humbled by The Queen of the Trailer Parks. Hope to work with you again, Janet! And I hope to see Cindy, Mary and Amy really soon.

Nude Year's Resolutions

Ok - my new year's resolution is to blog more often about my shows. And what better show to start with - then my first show of the year at Caliente Resort...a nudist resort north of Tampa. Unfortunately - there will be no pictures of this show to post - as cameras are not allowed at the resort (at least that's what the signs said).
Before I get to the nitty titty...I meant gritty...let me mention a few things I had to think about before the show.
I posted a few "updates" on facebook and myspace: Traci is performing at a nudist resort. I guess I can't pretend that everyone is naked. I got a few comments - mostly about the material I would glean from this experience, and how the people that go to nudist resorts are the ones you don't want to see naked anyway. My friend "Y" told me her parents attended a nudist colony, and that they commented one of their friends had dressed up for the evening. She wore earrings. I was told by the booker, Larry, that I was not to do jokes about "swingers." I had no idea nudists did not like monkeys or Tarzan. Fortunately, I don't have any monkey or Tarzan jokes - so that was easy. Peter Hefty, a seasoned comedy veteran and my co-headliner this evening seemed familiar with Mexican nudist resorts (I did not ask for details, and none were offered), and he knew that nudists prefer to be called naturalists. And last but not least - I worked with headliner, Joanne Pinnizotto, who years ago performed at a nudist resort and made the comment "do you know what jiggles when you laugh?"

Now, I get to the gig. The guard at Caliente's entrance was wearing clothes, an unsexy polo with unsexy dress pants. Hmm. We pull up to the entrance, and the young gentlemen working at the club house all wore the same unsexy attire. Hmm. The Clubhouse is exquisite and well done - this can not be a cheap place to live. But I'm thinking these people can afford it, because they sure aren't spending money on clothes! Or are they?
We unload and walk into the club, and everyone has clothing on. A woman walked by wearing a shear scarf with fringe. Her date wore a shirt and sport coat. No pants. But he appeared to sport a deliciously prepared banana hammock. And while I set up my gear - the audience arrived in various states of dress. Some with no shirts, some with no pants. One woman was wearing a "fish net" type covering which left little to the imagination.
There were beach towels draped over the bar stools, although many folks BYOT'd it (brought their own towel).
The stage was up high and in front of a dance floor - the folks were seated far enough away and in the dark that I couldn't be distracted by the stuff that jiggles when you laugh. And a good thing too - because they were ready to laugh! I had a blast! The folks at Caliente were all beautiful, smart, and most important - very comfortable in their own skin. Seeing Peter Hefty perform for the first time in several years was a treat too, and his show was the perfect icing on the cake. Thanks again Larry, Peter, and Caliente! Hope to see you again real soon. Traci