Traci's Road Trip - Continued

Thursday - Saturday, May 8th-10th

After Mammoth Cave, KY - it was on to Snickerz in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. I spent all day preparing my act, and getting ready for my big first TV appearance. I went to the club early to set up - and found out they cancelled the TV appearance. Bummer! That was the whole reason for the road trip! But I had the show of a lifetime that night. It was awesome! Friday and Saturday were much tougher...with the Saturday late show resulting in 8 drunk, self-centered, slutty, bitchy home health nurses getting kicked out of the show. The emcee started it, calling the one a fat porn star. I hate to admit it...but the description was accurate. And evidently they were still pissed the observation 15 minutes into my show. I was doing pretty good...then I just felt like I lost the audience. They were talking...I had to go after them. They were escorted out a few minutes later...with the audience cheering they had left. I loved meeting Kevin Ferguson, host of the TV show Night Shift. They liked me enough to book me again, for a taping of the TV show in October. And the waitstaff at Snickerz was great!

Sunday, May 11th

I left Fort Wayne for a 3 hour drive to Cleveland, where I spent Mother's Day with my mom, and had dinner with the rest of my family at my cousin Stephanie's house. My grandmother was looking especially well, considering she turns 95 next week!

Monday, May 12th

I began heading towards Lancaster, SC. I stopped for an evening in Princeton, West Virginia. Because I'm not wrapped real tight, I actually ate sushi there in West (by God) Virginia. If you've never been to West Virginia, you may not know that sushi isn't grown there. But the restaurant, Kimono's found a way to get it there fresh, because it was delicious! Oishi!

Tuesday, May 13th

The final stretch to Lancaster, SC. On the way I stopped in a place called JR's in Statesville, NC. JR's is like Big Lots on steriods! I found some puzzles in a tin for $5 each, work out videos for $4, and books on tape for $6. So much for my comedy winnings. Finally made it to Lancaster, SC, where I was welcomed with my name in lights...for the first time!

It was a great show (in spite of the birthday party crashers), and I met some really talented comics! Tony Boswell the comic who hosts the show at The Lancaster Tavern, placed 2nd in The Seattle International Comedy Competition. He's very, very funny!

Please check out his website: http://www.tonyboswell.com/

Tony Boswell, me, Reverend Drew, and Steve Fucile

Wednesday, May 14th

I woke up to an 8 hour drive to Orlando. My first show of 4 was in Clermont. My Garmin took me to a location that was no where near the club. I was a little late getting there, and had 30 minutes to set up my keyboard. And then...I had a car accident. Errr...and accident with my car. I slammed the trunk lid down...except my big nose was in the way. OUCH! And then...I realized I was bleeding. A lot. 20 minutes to show time. I got the bleeding under control, but still had a gash on my face, that could have easily been concealed with make up. Had I not left my make up bag in the hotel room. The show went ok, even though I looked like Gene Simmons in drag...but I was hurting. The staff gave me a rubber glove with ice in it for the trip home...a lovely parting gift.

Thursday, May 15th

I had not seen Mike in over a week and a half - the longest we have ever been apart in 12 years. I missed him dearly. I told him of my misadventure with car...and he came to see me in Orlando. It really cheered me up! We had a great time. Memorable moment - we were eating lunch at the Crazy Buffet. There were 2 men sitting next to us. One appeared to be a Jewish midget, the other a tall black man. The black man kept trying to engage the Jewish midget into a conversation with questions like, "Is The Green Lantern a member of the Justice League?" "Is Captain American a member of the Justice League?" Mike and I are hysterical. When they both left for another trip to the buffet, I started asking Mike "Is Wonder Woman part of the Justice League?" I wish I had the courage to ask what their connection to each other was. e-Harmony gone horribly wrong.

The show was in Sanford, FL at a place called Captain's Cove. My last visit there in August 2007 ended with a skinny drunk guy with a mullet cut launching a beer bottle at the headliner. With my recent nose injury, I was a little nervous about engaging the audience in conversation. However, I had a great show - and enjoyed working with funny man James Yon.

After the show, I headed back to the Holiday Inn in Altamonte Springs, home of the World Famous Why Not Lounge. This dance club is really fun, and is the #1 place for people watching in the world. There are several people there, that you could walk up to and say "The 80's called, and they want your shit back!" Any other meat market in the world, I'm about a 4. But there, I'm an 8.5! It's a good feeling.

Friday, May 16th

Lump day. I sat around in the hotel room, and rested. Just tired. The show was in The Why Not Lounge...and it was a really good show. Dexter Angry was the headliner. He made me laugh out loud! Doesn't happen much. I wonder if he's a member of the Justice League?

Traci Kanaan, Princess of Parodies and Road Warrior

It is now Day 4 of my road trip...so allow me to recap:

Day 1 (May 4th, 2008): Drove 575 miles to Birmingham, AL. Al Ernst (fellow comedian and host of E-Man Nation radio show) got me a guest set at The Stardome, one of the nicest clubs I've ever performed in. Josh Blue was headlining, Mike Winfield featured. Since I was the guest set, I was first up and did a tight, very funny 7 minute set. They seemed impressed, and I think some really good things will come from this.

Day 2: (May 5th) Began driving north, not sure where I'd end up but had Mammoth Cave, KY on my mind. 5pm - I pulled off I-65 and I was at Mammoth Cave. I checked out the Mammoth Cave hotel, and decided to take them up on their buy 1 night, get the 2nd night 50% off. The Mammoth Cave Hotel was by no means the plushest fanciest place I've ever stayed. But it reminded me of every hotel I stayed at between 1974 and 1982. You know, those hotels you were happy to get to on those "Are we there yet?" vacations you take with your parents. Wi-fi was only available in the hotel lobby, since the hotel had not yet uncovered the mystery of how to get wi-fi into my personal hotel room. Sigh. So many great technological advances...and yet so few made their way to Mammoth Cave.

Day 3 (May 6th): On a whim, I signed up for The Grand Avenue cave tour, $24, 4 miles, 4.5 hours underground with 40+ strangers, and 4 teens asking "Are we there yet?" While they can't get wi-fi into my hotel room, they did figure out how to hard wire 4+ miles of cave with enough cable to light it. They even had phones, and a lunchroom in there. No wi-fi in my hotel room. I guess we all have our priorities. The tour, was awesome. Ranger Ron and Ranger Joel had great stories about the cave - mostly about how the cave owners would try to sabotage each other and lie to tourists to trick them into coming into their cave. "Mammoth Cave? I wouldn't go there unless you don't mind getting...tuberculosis..." "Mammoth Cave? It's not there anymore. The owner dynamited just this morning. But this cave over here you can go in..." My favorite story, was how the tour guides made extra money by letting you write your name on the cavern wall. You could pay them a fee, and your name would be there forever. And you can still pay the fee...if you don't mind everyone calling it "a federal offense." When we entered the cave, we were greeted by 2 little cave bats, Drack and Kula. Cute as can be...but all bats are when they're asleep!

Day 4 (May 7th): Took a walk through the Mammoth Cave woods. Saw where the Styx River (an underground river) met the Green River (the start of an above ground river). Saw 2 deer. I'm afraid of deer now after seeing "When Animals Attack." All I need is for my perfume Obsession to smell like Faun in Heat scent - and I got Bucks all over me, and none of them are from Tampa Bay. (Yeah, I'm not well, I know this and I deal.) After re-using the hotel lobby as my office, I hopped in the car not sure where I'd end up. I hoped to audition for a club in Louisville, only to find out minutes before I left they were doing improv that night and no one would be there to see me. So I drove, and made a few phone calls. A comedy angel suggested I head towards Indy, and within 10 minutes I had a hotel reserved for me in Greenwood, IN. I'll be performing at Oneliners in October, and enjoyed the tour of this beautiful club with a plane sticking out of the roof. Can't wait to come back here! Tomorrow, I head towards Ft Wayne, IN, where I'll work with headliner Steve Burr, and can be seen on Night Shift with Kevin Ferguson. It's all good!