A Funny Stop in Cuyahoga Falls, OH

March 24th - 28th, 2009


The Disgruntled Clown, Pete, Nidal, and POP!


Funny Stop, Cuyahoga Falls, OH

All I can say is WOW! What an experience to perform in your hometown…or really close to it! I grew up in Berea, Ohio, and Cuyahoga Falls (where Funny Stop Comedy Club is) reminded me a lot of Berea. Cuyahoga Falls is a suburban community, with well maintained 2 story homes. The neighborhood is delicately sprinkled with family owned pizza shops, groceries, dry cleaners, and taverns. The neighborhood taverns are the most fun, because they are full of the “locals.” “Locals” often have known each other since grade school. They’ll punch each out and knock over a table for an unfortunate lunch room incident that happened in 1982. Before you know, they're driving home together. Because you gotta look out for your own.

The comedy condo is located in between 2 such neighborhood taverns. I met a local, an Irish musician, who asked me where I was from, no less than 4 times in our 8 minute conversation. (An alcohol related question, obviously.) The poor bartender recently had his face stitched up due to an unfortunate bar brawl the previous night. Cuyahoga Falls sent 9 of their finest for a special guest appearance at 1AM to break up the fight. Not sure how I slept through that one.

The Funny Stop Comedy Club is owned and operated by Pete, wife Nidal, and brother Tony. Pete, Nidal, and Tony are also Lebanese…which means they had no choice but to adopt me. At least the half of me that’s Lebanese! I lost touch with whatever was left of my Lebanese family in 1977 with the death of my grandfather. The Italian family took over, but I have always had these unexplained cravings for kibbe, grape leaves and baklava, and unexplained aversions to tiramisu, cannolis, and cement trucks. But the thing I found cool about Funny Stop, is that it's a fine tuned comedy machine. The smallest show had 100 folks (Tuesday), and many of the nights I had difficulty finding a table so I could sell merchandise. The wait staff is very friendly. Carl, the bartender, was an absolute delight to get my bottled waters from. John does an exceptional job with the sound.

I opened for The Disgruntled Clown this week, and of course, as you would expect, he is an absolute trip to hang with. At times it is difficult. I've spent the last 3 years losing 85 lbs., and The Clown loves mayonnaise, and Chinese buffets. One of the Clown's fans, whom I started calling Ms. Nickels (for Nickel's bakery), brought him 3 grocery bags of doughnuts, bread, chocolate delights, and banana flip pastries. Of course I knew The Clown couldn't eat ALL of those powdered doughnuts by himself...I had to help him. But I must admit, the weirdest part is traveling with The Clown, is knowing he's heterosexual, yet has more make-up and wears higher heels than I do.



The highlight of the trip was a visit to the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. I wish we could have spent more time there…but my mother had a little emergency involving a washing machine. She asked that we buy her a shop vac to help pick up the water, only to get there and discover she really needed a water extraction company…and her carpet removed…and holes punched in the walls so they could run air blowers for 4 days to dry them. My favorite exhibits at the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame are the costumes the entertainers wore. They are so cheezy up close, yet looked spectacular on TV.

As for The Funny Stop - all 7 shows were great. I can’t thank everyone enough for coming out to the show.

Here's some special thanks to the folks that came out:


My new best myspace and facebook friends forever: JoAnn Sparano, Liz Kwan, Brandi Godfrey, Andrea Bozigar, Scott Kail, Steve Buzash, Dana Millard Bryant, Angela Brown, Tonya Klausing-Kuzmik (who is holding out for panda, bless her), Kelly O’Connell, Jim Husseini, S.B., Ryan K.I., Ben Shriber, Steven, Chris Lahman, A.K. (Amy) Rowdy, Steven Lee, Crystal Kerr, Dana Bryant, Kevin Bryant, and Chooey. Thank you for your comments - and for not sending me stupid shit.

Big thanks to the emcees, Chuck Costanzo & Oliver Grey.

From The 1987 Graduating Class of Berea High School:
Any Anderson-Aylward (below), a diver turned audiologist, you look great, I hate that.
Sherry McCartney – Thanks for letting me sleep over your house, whatever grade that was.
You look great too. I hate that.


David Gubics (below), also a fellow alumni of Fairwood Elementary, thanks for coming and for being a good sport about Joe Hannum bailing on you. And thanks for sending me a picture of you wearing the shirt! I wish I had remembered to get your picture when you were there. Next time!

Deb Phillip-Speck (below right) a Princess in the 7th grade, fun memories there!
Nancy Wharton (below left), an organic cellist and ace of bass, glad you found a ride home, and a ride back to the club to get a shirt 2 days later.

From Otterbein College:
Melissa Barber – the catalyst for my comedy career. Had I not seen you in Tony & Tina’s Wedding in Cleveland, I might not have found my way into comedy. I wish I had remembered to get your picture too.

Eric Fletcher (below, right) I can’t believe you drove up from Columbus. You are crazy. And another thanks for letting me crash at your place last fall. Remember when you made me cube steak in college? Sphinx!

From the three years I worked at Suburban Clock:
Alan Rue (below, left) Thank you for coming out. I still remember joking with you about putting mirrors on your shoes so you could look up my skirt…and how you were not at all interested. Were you working with me when that lady walked in and said "It smells like Dick's in here?" (The woman was referring to Dick's Bakery, next door to the clock shop.)

From my family:
Bob (below left) and Cousin Stephanie (below right), you’ve seen a lot of my shows over the years, and I can’t believe you STILL come out and support me. Tell Aunt Rose I will still love her, even if she doesn’t come to my show in Niles next week. In fact, let’s plan to discourage the entire family from coming. I don't think the Catholics can handle much more bad publicity.

Mom – thank you for flying down to Florida to help me with Mike and his health issues. Thank you for driving with me from Florida to Ohio – it was a fun trip. I still feel kind of bad you spent all that money on piano lessons so I can sing songs like “Winkie” and “Teabag.” Hey...at least I didn't do drugs.

Why? Not Altamonte Springs, Florida

February 20th & 21st, 2009

I LOVE the Why Not Lounge in Altamonte Springs, Florida. It’s an Orlando institution, been around for at least 20 years. Some of the regulars have been coming to the Why Not Lounge since their early 20’s…and still go there to party in their 40’s and beyond.
The regulars are very friendly, like family, looking out for each other. It’s a meat market…with benefits. And it’s the best place to watch people. I get more material from 10pm – 2am in this place in one night, than a month in Wal-Mart during Christmas season. I LOVE the Why Not Lounge!

Friday night show – I was on! One of my best shows ever. Saturday night show - I was seasick having to look back and forth between the right and left sides of the audience. A table of 20, seated right in the middle didn’t show, splitting the audience in two. It was still a great show, even though the audience was kind of tight with their laughs.

This weekend, I worked with seasoned headliner Mike Rivera (Everybody say Oooo!) who is high energy funny. Mike’s comedy career began when he entered an America’s Funniest Teacher Competition and won it. I work with Mike again in March and I'm looking forward to it!

Altamonte is all about the people…so here we go…

Mike Rivera, NO WAY! Great working with you again!

Katie Hughes, keep up the great work, and what a trouper stepping in as the emcee on Friday.

Mike Lemont, great job as emcee on Saturday. Thanks for letting me hang with your friends Friday night!

Uncle Ray, I love the Sanford and Son theme.

Richy Lala, great guest set. Is there a support group for Jewish comedians that beat box?

Why Not Lounge Staff ...thanks! You’re the best…and you know it.

Jodie, Happy Birthday, and glad to know you still wear my shirt when you spank people.

Tonya, you still rock and I still have you picture up on my myspace.

John the DJ, You get the “Best Musical Cues EVER” award.

Jerod and other Bouncer that does Thai martial arts, thanks again for helping me lug my shit all over the place.


Why? Not Patrons

Tammy and Martha – you rock! Thanks for letting me hang with you Friday night. And Martha, thanks for the pics! (pic above: Martha is wearing red, Tammy is the blond. Please send me the name of the mystery woman.)

Stu from Boca, good to see you again, glad you’re well and still loving comedy, but not enough to catch MY show.

Scott – nice to meet you and talk about flight simulators. I like your sense of humor, and hope you got back to NSB ok.

Darlene of The Millionaires, what a great show woman! You’re like my cousin, Paula. Love ya!

Rob B, the guitarist , you’re the first person ever to give me their email address on a napkin. Is your number 867-5309?

Kevin, I enjoyed talking with you. You’re a good soul, keep doing the right thing!

Marisa, you’re a sweet girl, and a lot of fun. Please try not to leave future parties being “carried away.”

Joe aka Jewish Fred Flintston, you’re a fun guy…in a mushroom kind of way.

Lorie, Brian, Zoraya, and Craig, nice meeting you, and thanks for the shot!

Lynn with the big boobs, you and I are headed to Vickie’s Secrets when I’m back in town.

Jeff and Donita, THANK YOU for coming out! Jeff and I used to ride the bus to school together. And it wasn’t the short yellow bus either.

Michelle J. – That which does not kill me…best wishes with your December discovery. Happy thoughts to you!

To EVERYONE who bought shirts – send me a picture of you wearing my shirt, and I’ll put it on my myspace! Send pics to tkpopfanclub@yahoo.com.

To EVERYONE who wants a monthly laugh – send me your email address and I’ll add you to my e-newsletter list, email address above.

And last but not least…

To Michael the engineer – sorry to cut our conversation short, but you were creeping me out.

I think that’s everybody…love ya, and thanks for a great weekend!

Traci

St. Augustine, Florida

February 13th & 14th, 2009

Valentine’s Day in St. Augustine, Florida. Romantic, indeed!
This was the perfect combination of romance and comedy. I got to perfect my craft in a new (to me) comedy club, Gypsy Comedy Club, while spending quality time with my husband. It was a win-win for everyone!

Mike and I stayed at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast, the historic Inn on Charlotte.
Please check out their site at http://www.innoncharlotte.com/, and if you go, tell Lynne The Princess of Parodies sent you. Our room came with a dozen roses, thanks to my wonderful, thoughtful husband. We had been to St. Augustine 4 or 5 years ago and loved it, but didn’t get to The Fountain of Youth, which tops on our agenda.

Before I get any further, understand that I LOVE tourist traps. When I was growing up, my parents took vacations all over the U.S., and we always traveled in old cars, like a 1926 Dodge, or a 1936 Packard. I’ve been to Mt. Rushmore and Wall Drug in South Dakota. I rode to the top of Pike’s Peak in a 1935 Oldsmobile. When I was 15 or 16, I drove a 57 Ford convertible in the hills of West Virginia, ending up in New Vrindaban at Hare Krishna Temple of Gold. Florida is the Mecca for Tourist Traps…and I’ve hit a good many of them the last 13 years I’ve lived here: Weekie Wachee (mermaids!), Solomon’s Castle (a favorite, best use of recycling ever), Silver Springs (glass bottom boats), Dinosaur World (real live dinosaurs), and Disney (talking rats), etc. To me, tourist traps are what America is all about. Find that one special, unique thing about your place on this planet, exploit it, and then find a way to suck every last dollar out of someone’s pocket. Yes! God Bless America…that is what our country does best.

I love tourist traps. If you’re going to do it…do it well. Disney over does it, by putting mouse ears on the sewer covers. Dinosaur World under does it in a fun, cheesy, Velveeta way. It’s American, it’s family friendly, and gets the job done. But it's still cheese. The Fountain of Youth…they under do it, in a BIG WAY. It didn’t suck “ass,” but it did suck. Here’s what you get for $8, per person:

As you come in, you can’t help but notice the advertisements of Ponce De Leon on a SEGWAY. What better way to capture the flavor of how Ponce De Leon spent his first few days in Florida, way back in 1513, you know, riding around on his SEGWAY.

Once inside The Fountain of Youth, your tour of the first 3 buildings could have been conducted by actors or actresses in the costumes that Spanish Explorers wore when they first came here and pillaged. Oh no! You learn about Spanish exploration from a Florida cracker dressed in an embroidered polo and shorts. He runs from building to building, locking up each building behind him because God forbid, you end up the Planetarium and screw with the 7 Christmas tree lights that make up The Big Dipper. The second building houses The Globe of Discovery, hidden behind a middle school theater curtain. It’s a 2 stories high globe of the earth that turns with the help of a hamster wheel. You can’t help but admire the cutting technology used in this presentation; the laser pointer. We could smell Cracker Boy’s cigarette while we were watching “this presentation.” The last building contained The Fountain of Youth, with typical museum mannequins of Indians, adorned with genuine silk flowers. The Fountain of Youth water did not taste very good either. I've gotten more youth from a shot of Jaegermeister at a biker bar. The other 15 acres you’re free to explore on your own. You can torment any of the 6 peacocks or THE emu. You can also browse the gift shop, which had ashtrays that said “Alabama” on sale.

Nothing has been done with The Fountain of Youth tourist trap since it’s inception, except for some occasional lawn maintenance, and the low bid won that work too. St. Augustine just experienced a cold snap that killed several plants in the area. Not at The Fountain of Youth! There was no landscaping, so what could possibly die? The Fountain of Youth could have made it up to us with the live cannon firing…
but alas…they didn't have the balls.

The Gypsy Comedy Club! Great food, great people, great laughs! Over the years, several comics have told me what a great club Gypsy is, and they were right. The food is delicious! The Friday night show was a little out there…but Saturday my little Valentine love birds came to have a good time and what a show it was! I was fortunate enough to work with comedy veterans Peter Hefty and Justin again. He’s such a pro, and always very encouraging and helpful. Hope we work together again soon.

Traci with Justin and Peter Hefty

Jim, Jackie, Traci and Hala

Thanks to Gypsy Comedy Club:
Jim and Hala, my long lost Italian/Lebanese sister – thank you!
Deon (Jackie’s husband) – thanks for your help with the sound!
Jackie, YOU are the Glitter Goddess, and my new idol!
Jackie’s family – thank you for everything and supporting Jackie like you do
Susie – great job getting all those people seated Saturday night
Amanda, Mary Kay, Nick, Marlena, and Shauna – best waitstaff and bartenders ever. Thank you for all you do (and I hope I didn’t forget anybody!)

Shout outs to:
Andre Holloway – great seeing you again, best of luck in Rochester
Lori – thanks for the drink, glad you loved the show
Nikki – you are my other long lost sister, wish I could wear gold like you

Nikki (left), Lori (right)

Our new friends we made at the Inn on Charlotte:
Lynne at The Inn – loved breakfast…thanks so much for a great time!
Judye, Judye’s sister and husbands – hope you got back to TN safely (please email me your names), and Judye – best of luck on those bracelets
Sarah and Nancy – nice meeting you! Have fun camping! Remember no A.C., no Traci
James and Michelle from Orange park, (if I forgot your names, please correct me) and make sure you tell everyone you sleep with famous people

And the biggest thanks goes to Mike, my husband...who wrapped cables, did sound, took pictures, ties up all the loose ends, and is otherwise a really good sport about this whole comedy business. My husband is a pilot, so I touched up this photo from Mission de Nombre de Dios and Shrine of Our Lady of Milk and Cookies and dedicated this to him.

Please welcome St. Aeronca, The Patron Saint of Air Traffic Control

Sarasota Eagles

February 11th, 2009

To show just how slowly things can move in comedy…I did a show at B.C.’s Recovery Room in Sarasota on May 1st, 2008. I did really well, sold some shirts, thought nothing else of it other than I had a great show and met some great people. October 24th, I get an email on my blackberry from a woman named Debby who saw me at B.C.’s Recovery Room in May, thought I was funny, and wondered if I’d help out with a fundraiser for Alzheimer’s…in February of 2009. I’m always a little skittish about doing charity work. If you’ve seen my show – it’s not a post-urban pottie mouth show, but it’s definitely not for kiddies either. I always have to run through my checklist when I take on non-comedy club work: 1) Where is the venue? 2) Do I need to bring sound? 3) Will all children be in another building, in another county? No problems, so I took the gig and asked comedian friend Gid Pool to emcee and feature.

In the months preceding the gig, I’m healthy, I exercise, I take care of myself. But the night before the gig, I start having flu and cold like symptoms. I take 2000 mg of Vitamin C every 2 hours, Emer-Gen-C shots whenever I get a sore throat. I rest all day, plenty of fluids including a pitcher of water before the gig – and I’m good enough to go.

Debby kindly pays me before the gig. I put the money in my back pocket, and forget about it. Show time comes, and when Gid is onstage, I run back to the rest room to change into my princess outfit. When I come out, I reach into my pants pocket to pull out the money, and it’s not there.

I run back into the restroom…the money isn't there. Debby sees me panicking, and I finally break down and tell her I can’t find the money. We’re in the restroom pouring through my stuff…when Gid calls my name to come on stage. I don’t hear him.

I finally tell Debby I’ll worry about the money later. I reappear from the restroom, and hear Gid say “There’s Traci!” Once I’m on stage, I forget about the money – it’s all about the audience. I put everything I had into the show…and it was a great show!

While I’m on stage, Debby continued looking for the money. She asked the bartender is anyone turned in some money, and the bartender said a woman found some money, but wouldn’t say how much. Debby got it straightened out right away…and once she did she tried to hold up the money so I’d know she found it. Of course, I didn’t see her…
When I got off stage, Debby introduces me to Melody, the honest soul who reported finding the money. Whew! What a relief. So…the moral of the story is…remember to put your money in a safe place at an Alzheimer’s fundraiser!

Big thanks to Debby, and everyone at The Sarasota Eagles who helped with the event.
My cheeseburger was delicious. Like Gid said, when your burger is shaped like the state of Oklahoma, it’s going to be a good burger.
Thanks to my new friend Tina who offered me some Jack Daniel’s…err…cough syrup for my sore throat.
Hello to Vince aka Houdini…may we not be working at the same time some day!

And most of all…a big thank you to Melody…your story of honesty was music to my ears (and wallet)!
Of course…I had to tip Gid extra for that “where the hell is she” moment.

Palm Harbor, Florida

Snapper’s Comedy Grill
Palm Harbor, Florida
January 30th & 31st, 2009

Snapper’s Comedy Grill has a shorter tradition of comedy, but each time I’ve performed there the gig has been memorable. Before the renovations, the only thing separating the comedy club from the bar was a curtain. You could hear the TV’s and the patrons in the bar screaming obscenities at the basketball game during open mic, while at the same time a guy from Naples, with slicked back hair, white socks and sandals was telling his favorite poopie jokes. One night, the local hottie, Angelia, took a liking to fellow comedian Steve Baird, and she loudly flirted with him through my set. Just a week earlier, I saw Angelia do the same thing with another comic, Johnny O. Only she hit on Johnny O while her date (not Steve, but some other guy) went to the restroom. When he came out, she was all over Johnny O. The other guy patiently waited until Angelia was done “prospecting for new business.” But I think my favorite Snapper’s moment, was when Steve Baird took the stage with a cigarette, and he blew smoke came out of his ears. He didn't mean to...it just happened.

The owners of Snapper’s Comedy Grill are Egyptian, which is about as close to Lebanese as I’m going to get in Florida. I think of the owners, Sherif and Nabil (Nabil pictured at top), as my cousins. New to the family was Bob, the sound guy with tons of comedy club experience. And of course there is the Emmy nominated actor, Artie Fletcher, who was quick to point out that I have "a nice rack." He is the first Emmy nominated actor to admire my rack.

I got an email a few days before the show from a woman named Candi Stripe. She was taking Artie’s comedy class, and was debuting her stand up with a co-worker the weekend I was working. Candi – ironically – was born in Hershey, PA. I was looking forward to meeting Candi, who in real life is a dispatcher for the local sheriff’s office.

We did 3 shows, one Friday, two on Saturday, and they were all great shows. Headliner Keith Purnell (above) was very funny, in a white way. I wrote that, because we talked about him doing traditionally “white” material for these shows, while admitting he didn’t know how to “Soulja Boy.” (And if you’ve seen my show, you know I Soulja Boy, uh huh.) One of the shows I got a partial standing ovation. I made sure I sent a text message to The Disgruntled Clown about it. (The Disgruntled Clown is a headliner that I work with quite a bit.) We did a show in Dothan, Alabama last September, and I got a standing ovation there. I remind him about it, every time I see him. Sometimes I casually bring it up in conversation. We could be talking about bowling, and I’ll say “You know, getting a strike feels just as good as when I got that standing ovation in Dothan, Alabama on September 16th. Oh that’s right. You were the headliner that night, and I was featuring!” Other times, I’ll just start singing “Sweet Home Alabama.” He hates it.

Anyhow…here are the Thank yous…

Big thanks to Snapper’s Comedy Grill, Nabil, Sherif, and Bob. It was nice to be back!
Thanks to Artie for booking me...always fun hanging out with Uncle Artie.
Thanks to the wait staff…I always had a water when I needed one!
Keith Purnell – great working with you. Free Soulja Boy lessons next time, on me!

Thanks to Rose Mucklo Curry and friends. I went to high school with Rose and had no idea she was in Florida. She looks just as good as she did in high school. I hate that. (See pic below)

And big thanks to everyone who bought t-shirts and bumper stickers!

I’m already looking forward to my next performance…July 3rd & 4th. See you then!

Northport, FL

January 24th, 2009
I’ve been performing at the Olde World Restaurant (OWR) in Northport, since 2004 or 2005. The owners, Christine, Joe and Teresa, have put together a great restaurant and lounge, with remarkable food and service. I have yet to be there when the parking lot isn’t full. And they even manage to put on a pretty good comedy show!

I owe this gig to the very funny Valarie Storm, a Fort Myers based comedian turned bona fide road dog comedian. I headlined the room last August, and was stunned to see so many familiar faces this time! The show sold out 3 days prior…that makes me happy. Word is getting out The Princess is coming to town.

Gid Pool was the emcee. Gid and I worked together on the E-Man Nation Radio Show last year. He and his wife were also my sidekicks on a float in the Rubonia Mardi Gras. When I get the chance to bring an opener Gid is on the short list. Gid, as always, did a great job warming up the audience. Rock N Roll John kept them going…gotta love the story about the towels in the hotels…and then I took over. All was going well, until this elderly crazy woman, empowered with 6 rum and cokes, started shouting “You go girl!” “I love you!” The flood gates of weirdness opened. She’s a heckler, but she loves me. So I can’t be mean to her. But I should have! She put a huge dent in the momentum I had built. Some people just don’t get it.

Big hugs and thanks to Christine, Bart and Robin!
Thanks to all who attended the show…again…
And a Florida Howdy to Mary Jo & Bill from Mavis Winkle’s in Cleveland.

Lake Osprey Village Cabaret, Lakewood Ranch, FL

January 23rd, 2009
Lake Osprey Village Cabaret, in Lakewood Ranch, has got to be one of my favorite places to perform. The inside is intimate, cozy and snuggy-poo. I just like it. The show was sold out, and unfortunately some people were turned away. The LOV Cabaret management was a little nervous about the reservation situation. But I figured everything was going to be ok, when I heard manager Jack David panicking “We’ve run out of chairs!” Thankfully, The Lucky Pelican restaurant up the block had some chairs they could lend us.

Jack David, kicked off the show, and my dear friend Rock N Roll John told his famous stories. Just as he was about to close his set…one of the chairs broke underneath my good friend Danny. And then it broke again. Rock N Roll John pointed out that Danny, being the man he is, did not spill one drop of his drink. That’s a trooper! Then it was my turn…and I had a great show. Not easy to do when the audience is full of your friends! Other shows, that audience will most likely never see me again. But when the audience is my friends, the pressure is on. Because if I screw up…guess who is there to remind me about it every week, for the rest of my life? My friends.

Thanks to LOV Cabaret owner Norman Ferber and Manager Jack David. Without them, the show wouldn’t have been possible. And please check out the other events they have coming up: http://store6.geomerx.com/lakeospreyvillage/index.cfm?fuseaction=storepage&customPageID=26


Also – thanks to my dear peeps who came out and brought their friends and family:

Patty (Vinnie’s surrogate mom) and Danny, next time, look concerned when something happens to Danny

North River Veterinary – thanks for helping me with my assisted living facility for retired pets

Rotarian Goddess Terry Wells, next time bring Craig!

Snowbird Rotarian Jon Mathes

New Paul Harris Fellows Loreen Vickers & Ritchie Taylor

Rita from SCRABBLE – thanks for coming out again, and hopefully nothing traumatic happened one week after this show

Suncoast Gem Labs, Donna & Tom Seguin (who “loaned” me my first tiara)

Reverse Mortgage Gary and Quick Books Queen Susan Humphries, two of the first people I met when I moved to Manatee County

Yvette and Will Little, a simply green couple and their friend Christine

Wendy & Melissa - love the jewelry classes

Sue & Vicky my work out buddies at Revolutionary Fitness

Barbara Rose, my newest cultured friend from Sarasota

The nice couple who ended up sitting at the low table in the back behind the high tops – sorry about that!

To the elderly table of 4 that sat up front and was unable to break a smile during the entire show – I referred you to a travel agency, because you looked like those Easter Island statues.

Daytona Beach, FL

I left Friday afternoon to head for my Bonkerz shows at The Playa Resort in Daytona Beach, Florida. I was last at this club in July or August, and was happy to see just about all the staff still there. I got set up, caught up with the staff, then headed to my very frigid hotel room. The heater wasn't working, and after 3 calls to the front desk, James the maintenance guy determined the heater was definitely broke (no shit) and hooked me up with a much nicer room. My new room had a heater that worked, a kitchenette-let, AND an easy bake oven. Friday night, show time was 9pm. 9:10pm, and the emcee had not shown up. At 9:15pm, the management made the decision that the emcee was probably not going to show up (no shit). Frank (comedian trainee) made the brief announcement "please welcome to the stage, Traci," and it was time to get the party started. Friday night's show was good, considering I started with an audience that was stone cold, I mean stoned or old, and demographically scattered all over the board. There was something for everyone, but not everything for everyone.

Saturday, I researched some things to do in Daytona, that didn't include shopping. I found a museum in Ormond Beach, that was open from 12-4pm, and admission was $2.00. Had I actually gone, I could have told you whether or not the admission was worth it or a rip-off. Unfortunately, minutes before I was set to leave, I received an email from a booker that set me off, and straightening out the mess consumed the next 2 hours of my time. When the tough gets pissed, the pissed goes shopping...so I headed off to Imagine Beads http://www.imaginebeads.com/. Imagine Beads is a great bead shop, once you find it. My Garmin, obviously didn't want me to go there, judging by how many times I had to "make a U-turn" under I-95 (6 times). I hate you Garmin. $67.10 later...I had several pieces of "mystery metal" in my possession. I have no idea what I'm going to do with, but I HAD to have it.

On my way home, I got pissed at myself for not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not working out, allowing a booker to piss me off for 2 hours, AND for spending $67.10 I didn't need to spend. It was at this point I realized I was getting a little pissy, and decided a nap would be the best use of my time.

When I woke up, I decided I needed sushi. I asked my Garmin where the nearest sushi restaurant was, and it took me straight to one that was no longer open. The next closest one was Tokyo Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi Bar. http://tokyoormondbeach.com/ My sushi chef, made me the 2 most delicious rolls I've had in a long time. The Golden Gate Roll, and the Eel Tempura Crunch roll were to die for. If you go there, ask for Aji (which is Japanese for "horse mackeral" ironically) and Sarah (which is American for "really good waitress"), and tell them Traci the comedian sent you. However, do not go on your birthday! The Happy Birthday song just doesn't sound quite right with Japanese drums as accompaniment. But I will say, it's no where near as annoying as those birthday songs at chain restaurants where the whole staff claps and chants some post-war "I don't know what I been told, but this jerk here is getting old."

Rested for 2 Saturday shows, I was pleased to meet Genesis, our emcee for the evening. Genesis relocated to Orlando for family, but is a bona fide headliner with 24 years comedy experience, doing the club owners a favor by filling in. Our 8pm audience was ready to have fun, and everyone had a killer show! The 10pm audience was riddled with the usual stoned, drunk, high, and/or tired people - so they were a little tougher to keep entertained but we worked hard and got the job done. All in all, it was a great week. Good people, good comedy.

I'd like to thank my fans: the guy who has seen me at least 3x - once in NSB, and 2x in Daytona; Sherry the nurse from Indiana and her college age son who saw both shows; and to the hair stylist and her husband who prepares documents from rich people...send me those pics! I'll post them! To the lovely lady, who was there with her mother and aunt and bought me the shot: thanks! You ladies made the show!

I'd also like to thank the staff:

Montana: lose that zero and get you a hero. You're adorable, and something better will come along quickly.

Kara: have fun with the new truck, and best of luck selling the Sebring. Nice meeting your "sugar daddy." Hope he recovers from his music addiction...I know I'm still in rehab.

Bill: thanks for pouring me the stiff H20 drinky-poos.

Joey: turn your hat around...you've got to be in your 40's.

Paul the GM: you look a LOT like Donny Osmond. Please have purple socks for my next visit.

Paulie aka Chachie: thanks for being my sound guy! You're the best.

Frank aka Comedian Trainee: I'm not giving you Artie Fletcher's phone number. Quit begging.

Paulie aka Chachie

Frank, Comedian Trainee

Genesis and Shay

Joey and Donny Osmond

Montana, Bill and Kara

Ocala, FL

January 9th & 10th, 2009

This trip is the 3rd time I've worked the Bonkerz at Club Zanzabar in Ocala, FL. Each time gets better and better. This run, I opened for veteran Jeff Barrett (pictured above), whose TV credits include an appearance on America's Most Wanted. Jeff and I met about a year ago at a competition in Port Charlotte, FL. He's been in comedy 20 years, but Jeff is also a successful artist and graphic designer outside of comedy. And unlike many comics that rely solely on the food that comedy clubs serve or Chinese buffets, Jeff is vegan. I just so happen to love art and have an interest in eating healthy, so I was looking forward to working with Jeff.

Club Zanzabar and Midnight Rodeo are part of a 2 club entertainment complex in Ocala, FL. Club Zanzabar is the "hip-hop-lights-flashing-pulse-grinding-music-so-loud-it-affects-your-heartbeat" kind of club. Each waitress weighs well under 100 lbs, and isn't wearing much more than a napkin and shoes. Midnight Rodeo is your typical country dance bar, with "faux rawhide" covered mechanical bull in the corner, and faux line dancing cowboys.

Friday night's show - the crowd was awesome! I had a great set. Jeff lost track of time and did an hour and 20 minutes. Miss Gold Liberty and friends started sending beers to the stage, and Jeff was a master at working with the audience. We sold enough t-shirts to buy ourselves a few drinks...and we ended up closing down the bar. We were hungry, so Jeff and I hopped in my car. I punched "Denny's" into my Garmin, which took us right to a Waffle House. Oh well...I enjoyed my chocolate chip waffle and my "splattered and spreaded" hashbrowns. Unbeknownst to Jeff, on my wishlist for Christmas, was a "WH" visor. Every Waffle House I've been to, I ask for a visor. 5 Waffle Houses, 5 NOs. But persistence paid off! This Waffle House had a 2008 Christmas Waffle House Hat, of which now I am the proud owner.

Saturday morning, I was wired at 7am after less than 3 hours of sleep. I spent the morning writing in my journal, playing games on pogo.com, and making jewelry. In the afternoon, Jeff and I headed for lunch at Mother Earth Market. I love trying new foods, and figured I'd see what the vegans had to offer. We had vegan stroganoff (no relation to Bernie Madeoff) made with vegetable protein that sounds like "Satan," spinach noodles, apples and raisins, and a gluten free chocolate chip cookie. It was tasty, I must admit. And I didn't feel sluggish afterwards even though I ate a big meal. Afterwards, we hit the downtown Ocala area and wandered through some shops and an art gallery. After a nap, I headed back for a second show.

The Saturday show didn't have as many people as the first show, but they came to party and have a good time! I had another great show, and Jeff only did an hour. 2 Genesee drinking couples from Buffalo, NY came to the show an hour late, demanding that Jeff "say something funny." Wrong thing to say to Jeff - these folks became part of the show pretty quick. The loud Buffalo NY guy was a frustrated open mic-er, and insisted on trying out new material during Jeff's show. I hated to leave this morning. And obviously my Garmin did too. I punched "Starbucks" into my Garmin for a mint java chip frappacino, and it took me right to Target. I hate you, Garmin.

All in all, it was another great comedy run! I'd like to thank everyone at Club Zanzabar: Phil the manager (pictured above) runs a tight ship; Gabe who ran sound for me; Susanna the waitress (hope you sold those jello shots); Amy the bartender (hope you and the girls had fun in Orlando Saturday night); the really big guy who helped me break down my keyboard and carried my amplifier both nights; 6'9" (one tall MoFo); and the really nice restroom attendant who offered me 2 pieces of gum (one for each ass cheek) so I wouldn't slide off my bar stool. I'd also like to thank Nuclear Power Plant guy who bought me a drink, the flirtacious Michelle who asked me to dance, and the lovely couple who bought Jeff and I a drink on Satuday night (hope your wife found that extra girl for your threesome). I can't forget Scott the pharmacist, who saw both shows in their entirety. I wish everyone would support live comedy like you! I can't forget a very special thank you to the nice Ocala police officer Jeff and I met on the way to the Denny's we never did find. He could have ruined our great weekend in a matter of minutes, but he chose to support live comedy too. Thanks to Art at the Golden Palms Hotel (he thought I was "hot," God bless him), thanks to Bonkerz Comedy for the gig, and thanks to Jeff Barrett for being so cool to hang out with. Check out Jeff's site at http://www.grinnandbarrett.org/

Tennessee Tramp at McCurdy's

Thursday, January 8th, 2009


The BIG Florida State game was on tonight, and Les McCurdy looked through his roladex looking for a comic that wouldn't care if he/she missed the game or not. Traci Kanaan doesn't watch football...bingo! So I got to host the show Thursday night for Queen of the Trailer Park, Janet Wiliams aka The Tennessee Tramp. I heard all good things about Janet over the years, but our comedy paths had not yet crossed.

Thursday is open mic at McCurdy's, and there were 4 open mic-ers scheduled to perform. 3 female, 1 male. Thankfully, the male open mic-er didn't show...not because he's male...but because he's just a shitty open mic-er. He's filthy, and has to drop his pants to get a laugh. The 3 women open mic-ers are relatively new to the business, and working through some material. The audience was tight. The usual McCurdy's intro of upcoming comedians and the short movie "humor appetizer" was gone, due to a problem with the projector. So it was a quick music intro and a "please give it up for your host and emcee Traci Kanaan." I did my best I could before turning it over to the open mic portion, but the audience was not willing to give up laughs for free. First up: Cindy, the recovering middle school teacher, did all right. It'll get better Cindy. Keep working at it!

Second up: Long Island Mary is serious about this business, and started her own open mic at Linger Lodge in Bradenton for additional practice. She did well, and you will see more from Mary in the future.


Third up: Amy, who goosed me. Amy...well...had a little too much to drink, forgot her notes, forgot her routine - yet managed to stretch "drink when I say POT" to 6.5 minutes. Fortunately, Amy is cute and got away with it. Amy is naturally funny - and I hope to see her do material next time.

As for me - I did my usual show with 2 new parodies: Oh What a Dyke, and Bologna. Oh What a Dyke went well. Bologna needs work. My closer did the job - and prepared the audience for The World Famous Tennessee Tramp.

I loved Janet. What an inspiration! Janet does a good show. She's extremely sharp and professional, works the business, and does it right. With my background promotional products, I could tell by the quality of what she sold that she has given this some thought. She encouraged all of us women comics to follow our heart, and be prepared for the comedy industry to treat us women like shit. I had to laugh when she sold her Pussy Power bumper stickers to one of the guys at the show and said "You're never going to get this much pussy for 2 bucks." The Princess of Parodies, humbled by The Queen of the Trailer Parks. Hope to work with you again, Janet! And I hope to see Cindy, Mary and Amy really soon.

Nude Year's Resolutions

Ok - my new year's resolution is to blog more often about my shows. And what better show to start with - then my first show of the year at Caliente Resort...a nudist resort north of Tampa. Unfortunately - there will be no pictures of this show to post - as cameras are not allowed at the resort (at least that's what the signs said).
Before I get to the nitty titty...I meant gritty...let me mention a few things I had to think about before the show.
I posted a few "updates" on facebook and myspace: Traci is performing at a nudist resort. I guess I can't pretend that everyone is naked. I got a few comments - mostly about the material I would glean from this experience, and how the people that go to nudist resorts are the ones you don't want to see naked anyway. My friend "Y" told me her parents attended a nudist colony, and that they commented one of their friends had dressed up for the evening. She wore earrings. I was told by the booker, Larry, that I was not to do jokes about "swingers." I had no idea nudists did not like monkeys or Tarzan. Fortunately, I don't have any monkey or Tarzan jokes - so that was easy. Peter Hefty, a seasoned comedy veteran and my co-headliner this evening seemed familiar with Mexican nudist resorts (I did not ask for details, and none were offered), and he knew that nudists prefer to be called naturalists. And last but not least - I worked with headliner, Joanne Pinnizotto, who years ago performed at a nudist resort and made the comment "do you know what jiggles when you laugh?"

Now, I get to the gig. The guard at Caliente's entrance was wearing clothes, an unsexy polo with unsexy dress pants. Hmm. We pull up to the entrance, and the young gentlemen working at the club house all wore the same unsexy attire. Hmm. The Clubhouse is exquisite and well done - this can not be a cheap place to live. But I'm thinking these people can afford it, because they sure aren't spending money on clothes! Or are they?
We unload and walk into the club, and everyone has clothing on. A woman walked by wearing a shear scarf with fringe. Her date wore a shirt and sport coat. No pants. But he appeared to sport a deliciously prepared banana hammock. And while I set up my gear - the audience arrived in various states of dress. Some with no shirts, some with no pants. One woman was wearing a "fish net" type covering which left little to the imagination.
There were beach towels draped over the bar stools, although many folks BYOT'd it (brought their own towel).
The stage was up high and in front of a dance floor - the folks were seated far enough away and in the dark that I couldn't be distracted by the stuff that jiggles when you laugh. And a good thing too - because they were ready to laugh! I had a blast! The folks at Caliente were all beautiful, smart, and most important - very comfortable in their own skin. Seeing Peter Hefty perform for the first time in several years was a treat too, and his show was the perfect icing on the cake. Thanks again Larry, Peter, and Caliente! Hope to see you again real soon. Traci